while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
