The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
