i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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