Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
