She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
