well I can't set my house on fire every night
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
