I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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