Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
