Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what day is it and did you see me today?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
