hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
