My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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