I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
