He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
