Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Vodka?
Forever.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
