i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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