I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
