Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
