cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
