Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
