Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
