Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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