My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
