That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
