I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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