i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize