Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
