chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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