im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
