if you like me you must not know who I am
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
