It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
