i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
