i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
