Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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