I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
