I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
