My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
