He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
