do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
