I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i drank out of a bidet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
