I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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