Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
