Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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