You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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