We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
