new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
3pm strippers are depressing
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
