I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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