**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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