I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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