Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
