i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
