1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize