I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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