Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
