Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
