He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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