just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
