Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
