I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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