no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
