She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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