Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His nipple licking is glorious
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