I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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