I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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