I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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