Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
