I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
