I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
