Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
