dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
