Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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