I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
