do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
