i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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